帮我看一下英语作文
2023-08-01 22:07
1.Manyparentsthinkstudentsshuoldgotocramschoolonweekends.Weshuoldnottogooutwithfriends.changeto:
Manyparentsthinkthatstudentsshuoldgotocramschoolonweekendsandtheyshuoldnotgooutwithfriends.加了连接词
2.ButIthinkitisgreatpressureforteenagerstolearn,weshuoldbeallowedtogooutwithfriendsonweenkends.changeto:
IthinktheyshuoldbeallowedwetogooutwithfriendsonweenkendsbecauseIthinkitcangiveusabigimprove.
3.Afterstudyingforaweek,wemeedtohavesomeoftheirtime.changeto:
Afterstudyingforaweek,wemeedtohavesomesparetime.
4.Evenifallowed,wemustalsopayattetiontosafety.这句不是不好,而是如果这样接下去,就会很怪,你前面说的是在周末时玩的好处,现在有突然有even《即使》这词,那就成了:即使如果给,也要注意安全。这就跟前面的文字语气不相符。还有即使《even》=如果《if》,不能出现在同一句子。so,itcanchangeto:Ifourparentsallowedustohavethesparetime,wewillbeverythankforit,butweneedpayattentionofthesafetytoo,orwe'llbehurt.